


The Choices We Make

by Nobody13XIII



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Other, Regret, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:23:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4845686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nobody13XIII/pseuds/Nobody13XIII





	The Choices We Make

**AU, no gods/demigods/monsters, Nico is poor. Enough said.**

* * *

It was a scene through the years that had slowly become a common repetition, a sight that they were all too familiar with by the time that they were in middle school. They had watched him, watched the Di Angelo boy and witnessed that more often than not, he would do without food. His parents had neither the money nor the generosity to provide it for him as the years dragged on.

The majority of the time, he could barely scrounge up enough to buy a musty hamburger or even just a cold slice of pizza.

As the days went by, you could see more though. He would appear apathetic as he sat there in the corner, watching everyone gorge themselves, but they knew better. Envy has ways of showing itself, and they could all feel it. It was there, in the way he watched every bite, in the way he licked his lips as delicious delicacies were pulled out, in the way that he stared at their neatly packed lunches, at the crisp dollar bills that they so easily pulled from their pockets and wallets.

He was starving. His friends knew this all too well. The blonde and the raven haired boys often took to sneaking him a snack of sorts to help get him through the day. But Nico wanted more. No, he needed it.

Their routine continued on through to the end of middle school. He would always pretend he didn't need, or even want what they had to give him. And they would always hide their sympathy and sadness as he ravenously devoured everything they offered him. It was how their lives worked now, how they kept up their temperamental friendship. It was what they thought was right.

At least until the raven haired boy finally saw he horrible truth.

Percy was jogging home from swim practice, completely caught up in his own thoughts as he went through town. He had slowed down as he got nearer to Nico's house, still engrossed in his own imagination, until a sudden clatter had snapped him back to reality. Sea green eyes had glanced around, taking in the decrepit neighborhood, listening as something rattled nearby. He walked back, searching for the source, eyes finally falling on one of the neighbors trash cans. He stared at it in confusion before an all too familiar head of ebony curls popped up next to it, desperately digging around in the can.

Percy's heart dropped as he watched him wrench out a half-eaten sandwich, wolfing down the disgusting sustenance in a matter of bite.

"Nico?" he managed, voice faltering.

The boy had looked up at him, his dark eyes widening as he quickly back tracked away from the refuse.

"Don't." he whispered, glancing at the stranger's house anxiously. scratched the back of his head, making his way towards him.

"Percy," Nico whispered hoarsely, eyes shining imploringly. "Don't say anything."

"I won't…"

"I have to go." Nico muttered, casting his eyes away while his cheeks flushed red. He sprinted past, pushing Percy out of the way as he went.

The older boy just watched as Nico slammed his door shut behind him, knuckles turning stark white as he silently clutched his backpack. He felt sick as he glanced back at the garbage, looking at the scraps Nico had been scavenging through. He gingerly twisted the lid back into its place, and started the trek home.

In the dining room that night, all he could do was sit and stare at his plate while his family munched on dinner, happily recounting the daily routines. Sally frowned as she watched her son stare down at his full plate, eyes an ocean of emotion.

She leaned over, gently rubbing his back, finally getting a reaction from the boy as he glanced up, looking lost.

"You okay sweetie?"

Percy had just nodded, looking right through her.

"You sure?"

Another nod.

"Alright," She had said hesitantly "After dinner why don't you go lie down, we'll let Triton clean up. Just finish up what you've got alright? A boy big growing boy like you has to eat you know."

Obviously the wrong thing to say. flinched, hands clenching tightly on the edge of the table.

"Yeah. I know. Can I be excused?"

Sally nodded worriedly, watching her son dash out of the room, pounding up the stairs.

Percy slammed the door behind him, falling back against it and slowly sinking to the floor. Sure he hadn't eaten anything at all, but guilt had been gnawing at him all night, the sight of Nico digging through trash just to get by coming over and over again through his head.

Nico's parents were a mess. His father was a bitter alcoholic and his step mother was an absolute control freak. They fought with each other constantly, fights often reaching a more physical level, even with the kids. and Jason had desperately tried to find a way to help their friend for years, but knowing that it had come to this…

Percy's family wasn't like that. He and his siblings weren't abused, neglected, or starved. We were cared for beyond anything else, anything and everything we needed we had. We would never have to go out and scrounge through garbage just to get by.

He felt guilty, just for being who he was, for being born into a good family. He didn't have to scavenge like Nico, he wasn't outcast or alone.

Rage. Pity. Sadness. Guilt. Loss. Love.

It was as if someone had brought down the floodgates. All the feelings Nico always elicited from him were pouring out, coming out in angry sobs and an internal storm. He wanted to help Nico, he had to let him know that he wasn't alone, that he would never be alone.

But he knew better. People could call him Seaweed Brain all they wanted, Percy was smarter than they gave him credit for.

Nico had kept his needs a secret for a reason. Pride and fear forced him to hide what his life had been reduced to, what he had been reduced to. Nico wanted their help, their support. But how do you come to someone and tell them what's happened to you? He didn't want to be judged any more than he already was. He didn't want to prove that everyone was right about him.

Percy growled irritably, hopping out of bed and pacing up and down. He couldn't do anything, not without calling Nico out and ostracizing him further. All that would get him was hate, nothing good could come from it. He angrily kicked his sports bag, turning around only to slow as he heard a soft tinkle behind him.

He frowned and glanced back, seeing four small objects gleaming on the floor beside his open bag. He walked over, picking them up, finding a dulled dime and three pennies, so discolored they were nearly blue. He tossed them around in his hand, an idea starting to form. Thirteen cents. To him it was just a bunch of useless pieces of metal. But to Nico?

A smile broke out on his face, and he rushed to the door, flinging it open rushing downstairs. He ran past his family, who watched in confusion as he dove to the cupboard under the sink, digging around through the soaps and bags. Finally he emerged, beaming at an old jar dusty jar filled with cobwebs they had picked up at the ocean. It was made of old blown glass, a dark blue, with seashells embedded in its smooth surface.

"What are you doing Perseus?" Poseidon asked, looking quizzically from the oversized jar to his son.

"I, um… S-school project?"

"Uh huh." Sally leaned back and crossed her arms, eyes studying her son intently.

"Yep" he said more confidently now, throwing on a smile. "Working on a big project and this is just the thing for it." He smiled proudly at the jar for a second, before realizing his family was still watching.

"So… yeah. Bye!" hurried back to his room before they could ask any more questions, the jar clutched tightly to his chest.

"What is your son up to now? I don't know if I should be worried or not." Poseidon confessed, looking to Sally.

"I don't know," Sally confessed, clearing her plate and pushing in her chair "But I'm going to find out."

Upstairs Percy was in the bathroom, scrubbing the jar until the dull glass shone with light. He grabbed a towel, vigorously drying it as he made his way back to his room. He locked the door behind him, throwing the now pristine jar on the bed with the change, and snatched up his backpack, digging around until he whipped out a permanent marker.

He bounced back onto his bed, grabbing the jar and scribbling 'For My Angel'. He beamed down at it for a few minutes, before tossing in change, shivering as they jingled to the bottom. He forced the jar into a corner, out of sight from the door, and whispered a quick prayer for his Neeks.

He sighed contentedly, turning off his light and finally collapsing onto his bed, shimmying under the covers and nuzzling his face into one of the pillows. He peeked out, the jar clearly visible from where he was, and smiled dreamily. Thirteen cents. It wasn't much. But somehow he knew it was enough.

Another day, another dollar.

* * *

Years flew by, with new friendships starting and old ones dying, groups changing. And yet, even all those years later, Percy's eyes were still always on Nico as he snuck him food day after day after day.

Nico accepted it, always hesitant, afraid of being overly needy, scared of relying on Percy so much. Percy had noticed this right at the start, constantly reminding him that it was nothing, that it was just what good friends did.

Nico couldn't do anything in return for him. They would sit together day by day, and he'd fight with himself, angry at Percy for being so kind to him. Angry at his nonexistent parents for making Percy act the way he did. But most of all he was angry at himself. Angry at his weakness, angry that he couldn't hide who he was.

Things finally did change during Percy's senior year. Nico hated what he had turned Percy into. His embarrassment, guilt, his anger, it all built up, raging inside his head until one day he just couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take the pity anymore.

He couldn't handle eating anymore scraps from his friend's trays, couldn't handle taking their handouts, diving after every dropped cent and dollar in the hallways.

Nico stopped accepting food. He stopped taking all the handouts that friends tried to give him. Hadn't he wasted enough of their effort? Percy practically threw food at him in his newfound state of denial, but he just turned away from him, sulking back into his corner refusing to move until the bell summoned them to the next barrage of classes. And then he would be gone, gone away before anyone got a chance to say anything to him. And then he would be alone, forced to ignore his aching stomach and starving body.

Percy, Jason, and their other friends watched him in concern as he slowly grew more distant and quiet, receding into himself until he was nothing but a shadow. They were forced to witness way his bruised dark eyes seemed to sink with each passing day, to see his skin gaining an unhealthy pallor, and his already questionable frame slowly collapsing in on itself. He hated their stares, their concern. He hated them because like everything else, he couldn't return them. He couldn't look back. How could he, when he could never repay them for everything they'd done for him over the years? It sickened him. It ticked him off. But really, it saddened him.

And so he started avoiding them. He tried to stay as far away from them as he possibly could. For a while he thought it was working that he had escaped the pity. At least until he started finding the blue lunch bags tucked neatly in his bag. Usually with an apple, a sandwich, and a drink of some kind, the blue bag singled the culprit out immediately. Percy had made a small victory.

Nico always took them home, munching them quietly in his room. In the temporary safety of his solitude, he would imagine that he was eating with a sea green eyed boy, who would smile and make everything okay. His parents would smile at them together, and we'd smile back, and we would all be happy. But he was alone. Nico would chew the crusts, trying to block out the sounds of parents screams. Without the screams he could pretend that he was cared for. That he was loved.

Without the screams, he could finally pretend that Percy wasn't the only one looking out for him.

They never mentioned the lunches. Percy never hinted about them or pushed at his boundaries. He didn't want or expect any kind of reward, no matter how much Nico wished that he did.

He tried staying away from him after that. Maybe if he didn't feel obliged to help, then he'd realized it wouldn't kill Nico. But Percy never stopped.

No matter what happened, food always found its way to him. He would always get smiles whenever their eyes met, those bright happy smiles before Nico looked way in shame. Day after day, Percy would continue helping, always helping, still never wanting or expecting anything in return. And day after day, Nico would writhe, wishing he could give Percy the world for what he had done.

Things kept on like this as we played this unfair game, following the same cycle, a machine constantly starting and restarting, never ending.

Until one day the gears stopped moving.

One day Percy and Jason vanished. He almost wouldn't have noticed, it was only from the sudden void where that familiar blue bag of lunch was that he even knew they were gone. It wasn't until later at lunch when he came into the cafeteria to find the room quiet and somber, with people sobbing and worried, not until he heard their names that he heard about the accident.

Nico knew what had happened. He knew exactly what was going on, even as he stood there, stone faced and staring around the room.

A week passed before Jason returned to school, rolling into class with a wheelchair. The school held its breath, waiting, hoping, but no one came in after him. The school sent out a message over the intercom, asking for silence, asking for reverence for Percy, who wasn't going to be coming back. Nico was used to silence. All those years had taught him how to not saying anything, no matter what he needed or how much he hurt. But this… This was different. This was a completely different kind of hurt.

Days passed, and we all stood outside in the rain, watching the black box be lowered into the ground. Nico stood in front, the rest of their pseudo group all around him, all watching as Percy vanished forever. Jason was sobbing to himself, while others just stood there, looking lost. Who would have thought he could ever be gone?

Nico just stared.

He stared, the rain pounding down on him, a cruel wind whispering by. He shivered in the ratty suit he had managed to borrow, clenching his eyes shut, looking away as the dirt was tossed back into the grave. Nico couldn't cry. Percy wouldn't have wanted him to, he never would have wanted to Nico to be sad.

Nico came home from the funeral, leaving the mourning mobs of people, the caring ones who mourned for the loss of their loved one, back to a place filled with yelling, a withered place littered with trash, beer cans and junk.

"Well look who's all dressed up." Hades father slurred out, groggily sitting up from the couch to leer at his son. "What's the faggot look like huh?" he chuckled.

Persephone shoved him aside, glaring furiously. "His friend is dead you moron! We talked about this earlier, or at least I tried to talk to you about it, but-"

Nico turned around, unable to cope with another fight, shutting the door behind him falling onto his mattress. She wasn't right, no she couldn't be right. Percy couldn't be dead. It wasn't right.

There was too much unsaid, so much he needed to say. He was the one person in the whole world who Percy had helped no matter what, no matter how often he pushed him away. And now he was gone.

He'd waited too long.

Life went on. Nico missed school for a few days. He didn't think he could handle looking up only to not see those sea green eyes. He stayed in his room as long as possible, trying to block out the world. His parents still fought. How was it that they could still be here, still doing nothing in the world, when Percy was gone? How was that fair?

Finally Nico left, running out of the house, and just walking, his feet going around and around. He walked for hours, the sun sinking until the sky was dark, and the cold of the night seeping in. When his feet stopped, he looked up to see himself at Percy's home. He stared up at the house for a long time, hoping to catch a glimpse of Percy through a window.

The door suddenly creaked open, and Percy's mother stepped out, eyes red from crying.

"Are you going to come in, or were you planning on freezing out in this weather?" She asked with a kind smile.

I stared up at her, before coming up the front steps and walking into the house. Everything inside blue. Pictures of Percy and his family hung on the wall, elements of the sea clung to the walls and furniture, it was almost a pure embodiment of Percy. Or at least it would have been. Most of the lights were out, the rooms were empty, and the house was silent, as though even it was in mourning.

"Where is everybody?" I asked, trying to end the silence.

"At the airport, sending some family home. They came here for the funeral."

"You didn't go?"

Sally just smiled, motioning for me to sit down and taking a seat on the dark couch. She leaned back in the shadows, eyes closed for a long while, before shaking her head.

"No I didn't. I've been waiting."

"Waiting?"

"For you. I knew eventually you'd drop on by, and I wanted to make sure I was here when you did."

"Oh." I murmured, unsure of how proceed.

Sally leaned forward, studying me for a long time, something gleaming in her bloodshot eyes as she smiled sadly at me.

"I think I really understand now. It's been a while since we talked hasn't it?"

I nodded mutely.

"I always knew you know. When he started asking for more food for lunches, I knew he wasn't eating them. Everyday he'd make sure you got the best of what he could give, he'd always try and throw a little extra in. He always wanted to make sure that someone was looking out for you. I guess he still is, eve now…." She trailed off, eyes staring through me.

Sally stood up suddenly, making her way upstairs and leaving me alone in the dark. I sat there in silence, heart pounding as I stared at the floor. Of course he had. He was Percy, he always gave his best. What should I have expected?

Sally came walking back downstairs, holding a large object which jangled and shook with every step. She made her way back over to her seat, sitting down and caressing the object, smiling at it in the darkness.

"Would you mind getting the lights dear?"

I hopped up, flipping the switch at turning back. The lights flickered on to show Sally holding a huge blue jar, with white sea shells embedded in its surface. The enormous jar filled with uncountable amounts of change and dollars, almost filling the jar to the brim.

"I still remember when I he took this up to his room and tried to hide it. We all wondered what he was doing with it. I let him have his secrets for a year or two, I didn't push it. I actually ended up forgetting about this until last year when I was cleaning out his room. He's been filling it up since middle school. He never took anything out of it, not even when he really needed the cash. He nearly blew a fuse when Triton borrowed some of it, I thought he was going to kill his brother." Sally chuckled for a while, brushing away an invisible smudge.

"What was it for?"

In answer, Sally held the jar up to the light. There on the jar itself were the words 'For My Angel' in almost illegible scrawl. More messages adorned it, scribbled on the shells; 'My Nico', 'Please bless him', 'I think I'm in love', 'to the boy who stole my heart'….

"He loved you. I thought you should know this. Everything he did, he did it because he loved you."

My heart thudded painfully in my chest, eyes flickering from message to message. Percy….

"Here." She said, pushing the jar into my arms.

I stared at it uncomprehendingly, not knowing what to do with it.

"He always wanted you to have it. He was going to give it to you at the end of the year when it was full. He almost got there too." Tears were starting to fill her eyes as well now.

"Percy… He… H-he…?"

A door opened in another part of the house, a warm voice calling out "Honey, we're home!"

I flinched, looking guiltily at the jar, already feeling overwhelmed without more people coming in.

Sally patted my back and ushered me towards the front door.

"My door is always open if you need it. Be safe tonight Nico."

I stepped out into the brisk night, the door closing behind me. There was a moment of silence, before we both sobbed, and I made my way down the steps, the jar clutched tightly to my chest.

Nico's lower lip was trembling as he turned, heading away from the house as quickly as he could manage, unsure of where he was going. He walked and walked, going past the town line, down the highway, ending up beside the ocean, collapsing next to the gentle surf. He sniffed lightly as he sank to his knees, setting the jar down beside him and staring out at the ocean, hearing the waves crash against the rocks far off, watching the tide slowly move closer and closer as the minutes went by.

Percy wouldn't leave him. Percy was keeping his eye on him... He wouldn't let him suffer.

Nico couldn't take it anymore. And so he cried.

For ages now he'd held back everything; the guilt and the rage, the shame and the anger, the pain and the regret. It all came pouring out in a torrent of hot tears, falling down from his cheeks and down onto the sand. He opened his bloodshot eyes and looked up to the sky, tears still trailing down his face as he thought of everything he'd missed out on with Percy. The closeness they could have had, the thanks that he could have given, the care that he could have returned.

And now he was gone.

He'd truly become his worst nightmare, a worthless charity case. He didn't have any more shame or pride, he'd used it all up. He was completely dependent on others, or at least, one person in particular. And now they were gone. Nico could have said goodbye. He could have let him know that he was there for him like Percy was for him.

But he would never get that chance. His pride had beaten his heart.

Nico forced out the last few tears, fingers wrapping around the rim of the jar. He sniffled and looked up at the clouds again, watching the moon shine its gentle light down on him and the gift from Percy. He shook violently at the feeling of warmth inside him; it didn't seem to fit with the cold atmosphere around him. He looking back down into the jar. He frowned, holding it atop his lap and grabbing out quarters one at a time.

Nico slowly sifted through the change, carefully sorting through and taking any silver change and dollar bills he came across, setting it down beside him. He worked on for minutes on end before finally coming out with exactly seventy eight dollars. He stared at all the money, more than he had held in what was probably his entire lifetime so far.

His lips turned up into a smile just slightly as he ran his hands through the rest of the change in the jar before standing up and walking to the coming surf, tipping it over into the water, watching the change hit the sand in a cascade of discolored metal. Waves came up, lapping at his feet and moving around, while the change gleamed in the moonlight, his true friend's generosity shining up through the water.

He picked up the now empty jar, scooping up the remaining seventy eight dollars at his side and tossing it in the container. He got to his feet and stared at the money flowing away in the current, a single tear escaping him before he turned and walked away without a word.

* * *

The next morning, he gathered what he'd saved into one of the old blue bags, making his way towards the closest florist's shop. He picked out a set of eighteen roses (blue of course), handing the receptionist my payment in crumpled up dollar bills and shiny coins. They stared at me questioningly, before nodding and smiling, Nico smiling back as he claimed his prize and turning away, walking out of the store into the cold air.

He continued on down the street, coming up to the cemetery and taking a large breath. He stepped onto the lush, green grass, quietly making his way through the headstones before finally coming upon one of simplicity with a trident symbol etched into the cold stone. He smiled meekly, kneeling down beside the grave and taking a deep breath.

He laid down the eighteen roses atop the grave, clasping his hands in prayer. "Make sure he gets food tonight," he murmured. "He always made sure I ate. It's his turn now." He opened his eyes, feeling them burn and clearing his throat.

He ran his hand over the fresh dirt and bit his lip.

"Thank you," he said finally, feeling a wave of relief washing off of his chest. "Thank you...you don't know how much I needed it," he said, more tears coming down his face. "I-I'll make it up to you...I promise," he finished in a whisper before rising back onto his feet. He backed away, watching the decorated grave for a moment before turning and heading back down and out of the cemetery.

A warm wind started up against him and smiled he just slightly as his feet hit the sidewalk and he began walking back towards home. He closed his eyes, feeling a string of content over his heart. It wasn't what he wanted, but it was something at least.

He heard a clatter against the sidewalk beside him and opened his eyes, finding a dime and three pennies, so discolored they were nearly blue, lying neatly together atop the cement. Nico looked around for an owner, finding no one but himself and the warm wind and stooped down to pick them up.

He tossed them in his hand a few times before smiling wider, picking up his feet again and taking off once more towards his home. He passed countless people as he crossed through town, no one knowing his name; no one greeting him in any way, shape, or form.

Just like before, he only had himself and Percy watching him.

He pushed past them, the coins clutched in his hand for dear life as he finally made his way down into the outskirts of suburbia where his one-story home lied across the railroad tracks. He pushed into the dented front door, ignoring his parents in the living room and hurrying into his own. He shut the door behind him, locking it with a crude deadbolt.

He lifted up a black crate under his textbooks, revealing the blue jar. He smiled, dropping in the fifteen cents and listening to the clatter with a singing heart. He sat back on the ground and stared at it in determination, one more tear falling down his face as he stared at the crude markings atop the surface, looking heart with our names in it.

Another day, another dollar.

Another year, another rose.

* * *

**I'm depressed so you all get to be depressed with me. Credit where credits due. Ciao.**


End file.
